Governor Evers' announcement Monday that he would propose legalization of medicinal marijuana and the decriminalization of possession of small amounts of marijuana came as something of a surprise.
After all, he didn't really campaign on marijuana, and even though non-binding referenda on pot legalization likely boosted his voter turnout numbers, it didn't seem like potheads comprised much of the Evers base (at least in any greater numbers than your average Democrat).
But pot seems to be on the Governor's mind lately, and we here at the Dan O'Donnell Show believe we know why. We have uncovered exclusive and absolutely, totally real audio from Evers' pot press conference that shed some light on his definitely-not-fake rationale for wanting to get as many Wisconsinites smoking weed as he possibly can:
My fellow Wisconsinites, I have an important announcement: For too long, I have been the most boring, sleepiest-looking man in this state. For too long, I have been the only man in this state who sounds like he just took about four massive bong rips and is ready to pass out with his face in a bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos. This is why today, I am inviting every man and woman in this state to be more like me and that's why I am planning to decriminalize marijuana. No longer will I be the only guy in this state who sounds like he just burned half a blunt of the finest California Kush and is spending the rest of the night staring at an incense candle. No longer will I be the only one in this state with just enough energy to roll a J and put on some Radiohead while barely noticing the line of drool running down the side of your mouth halfway into a live bootleg cut of "Paranoid Android." Now, Wisconsin, you too can be more like me. I know you'll thank me when your mellow wears off and you remember how form sentences again.